Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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