dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
