I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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