I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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