u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
