Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
