I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
