i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
