jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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