I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
