so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize