VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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