Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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