my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its not stalking. its research.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize