so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drinking out of a sandbucket again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
