Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are two peas in an std pod
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
