hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
