In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
