just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
