i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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