chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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