More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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