I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
