'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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