It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
