he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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