i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
pray to the hookup gods
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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