I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
