she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
