6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
