I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I understand Curling. That high.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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