There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
