last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
