Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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