Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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