my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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