the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
