Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
