apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
