the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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