It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
