dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize