Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
