i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
