Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
