My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
