At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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