i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
