Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to make out with him forever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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