Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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