Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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