M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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