I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
