i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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