Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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