Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize