Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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