so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
