If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize