she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
