imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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