you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
