Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
