it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
