it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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