coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
