I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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