I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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