This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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