You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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