i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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