when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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