So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
