Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
