We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
