I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
