i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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