Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
