I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
