Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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