The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So apparently I’m into choking now
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