There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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