mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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