the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
