if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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