So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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