found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
