There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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