did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
