that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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